i'm confused...i'm torn out...

i wanted to go closer

but i wouldn't dare

cos my imperfect will scare you away

i wanted to go closer

but you're surrounded by the nicest thing

i know i will be useless then

i wanted to go closer

but when i think about the border between us

i won't dare to go closer

i won't

when i had the stage

when i had the chance to act

i failed

your respond had torn me to pieces

i hate you.

i wanted to cry out loud

but i wouldn't dare to show the world how sad i was

so i fake a smile like everytime

when i was a candy collector

you gave me so many of candies

i tasted sweet candies

i tasted bitter ones too

but i forced myself to believe

that bitter ones are sweet ones too

until today

i only knew the difference

the diference between sweet and bitter

i guess i was wrong

i never tasted sweet candies

it had been bitter ones all the way

if i have the chance to give a big cry out

i'll still tell the world out there that i am ok

though i'll be crying deep inside again.

you can tell the world that i'm insane

but i'm going to tell you

this is how i win attention.

sacrificing too much is always too much... ...

i give up.

i'm out.

RoyalReddishRoxaneRoxyRose

border

you mad it clear that there is a border between us both

a border that I can't go beyond it

though it is just a one step distance.

******************************************************

never knew tat you whould be fooled by my act

never knew it

the promises I made had been circling me

I just thought that i shouldn't go beyond the border

tat is why I choice to walk away

letting people down is wot I do

I know that apologize means nothing

please don't judge me this way

I guess that I could easily relate how Taylor felt in front of her guitar

it's tough but am gonna put a smile and stand strong

that's for sure.

RoyalReddishRoxaneRoxyRose

the royal yellow straight line

i stand at the begining
when i heard the gun shot
i start running

i reached the end
the end means the royal yellow line
but i cant go farther from there
because that will be beyond the line
and i cant go through that precious line
i cant

all i can is just stand there watching
the sunrise
the sunset doing nothing

i aint sad just wondering
just wondering
have i did the right choice to run to this yellow line?

or will i get hurt again?
just like the past?
i dont want to break anyones heart
and i dont want anyone to break mine too.

RoyalReddishRoxaneRoxyRose

this post is for my deary sister Nicole.

not very sure whether you will see this post but i'm still gonna write it for you.
**************************************************************************
i know saturday surely didn't show up the way you want it to be... ...
but it's ok life goes on so yea keep away those shities and keep life moving... ....
and about the class issue, it's a big big Hi-5 cause i always have this sorta feelings, especially the past, wow like in the first semester, and i was like an outcast you know, it's like people can't really relate to wot the shit your talking about i know how it feels. but all i know is, the topic we talk arent lame arent childish its because they cant relate to it, and seriously we cant change for them too right? like change to be like liking chinese stuffs and so on. so yea get over it! we wont changed for them.!.

and its kinda weird like we are always going through the same shit.
test issues, emoing, rock musics, freak consert, even class issues wot next?

and do you know wot sometimes in class, well i felt bad. i just felt like having a computer and directly enter my blog and then just write down all those shits and let things out....cause i dont really belong to the "crowdy"group in class, you know, just a simple lass.
but in ELS its so wowie, i love to be there,
you remember one time i asked you, were you an outcast in your class? is because i thought that u can relate to my situation, but when you said NO i was like ok then.

but after going though your blog i felt that wot u are going through is just like my past situation.
but now, right now.im ok. doing great with my class.
and i know you will too, like just let time take away everything and then just start it all over again tomorrow. and yea you have to be brave enough to believe that everything will be ok again tomorrow and be strong enough to believe tat everything will be ok again and most of all, you have to believe that you aint afraid to go through these ups and downs tomorrow again.
you have to stay strong... ...lifes tough so yea.
we get happy times
we get sad times too
its the same.
but look at the brightside, at least, at least you still have a place to call home right?
at least u still have us, in ELS always there for you.
i dont wish to see you this way, i wish to see the cheerful nicole again. when will I ever see her again?

royalreddishroxaneroxyrose supports nicole

if i knew the truth earlier. i guess then i won't have to go through that much...

time brought us together
the surrondings pulled us together
i thought it will go further
but i guess i was wrong just like the beginning
****************************************

you're a rose gardener
you work in a rose garden
you're surrounded by red roses
you can see those roses blooming and smiling at you

i know that you had already pick one rose and kept it
make it into a flower print and kept it inside your huge jacket

and the other roses out there
are just nothing to you
are they?

you notice them that's all
you flower them that's all
you look at them that's all

all the flowers out there are just the same to you
are they?
they are all red
they are all almost the same height

but do you notice one rose
always looking at you?
always freaks when sees you enter the garden?
have you notice that rose?

not wanting you to do anything to that reddish rose
just hoping that you will take preety good care to that rose
make it smile everyday
make it felt protected everyday
make it bloom everyday

this rose
can never go though that much without your love...

i say a big thank you to you--rose gardener
it's from that little reddish rose out there
which can't speak when it sees you
cause it is a rose after all
cause it's speechless too when it sees you.

the past revealed again... ...

i thought you're a counseler
but i was wrong you're a murder


you critiseze me in front to the world
I can't play hard

maybe this is your way of motivating
but i say you're wrong

you don't know me
don't ever try to know me

cause you won't get it right
I just know you won't

I know it's my fault
but can't you use another way to say it right?


i guess you're a poser or something
maybe people just got you wrong or something

not everything can be told
maybe you thought that hard
will work for me
but your wrong
i play soft

just watch and learn I tell you
I'm unbreakable
I won't let you get me

just watch and learn
see how i pick up the broken pieces of my dignity
you just watch and learn

I just need the right time
to prove to you that I can do it
just like the beginning

you just sit back
and watch.
i'm eyeing you.
RoyalReddishRoxaneRoxyRose

oh yea and don't ever ever call me by my name! I hate it! urgh.!!

no more fears looking at the mirror

looking at the mirror
no more fears
no more tears
only happy smiles
only cheerful thougts
am happy being me

anna's right my life is better than 50 percent of the people in the world
i have all i need
families
friends
seniors
online friends
classmates
its all i need

everytime when i cry
everytime when i feel down
i always have a sholder to lean on
i always have comforts
i always have good words to hear
im a lucky gurl

no more fears to the future
no more regrets for the past
cause regrets won't changed a thing

strangers.

we stared at each other
we have so much to say
but we choice to walk away
or pretend to study the floor or the ceiling
we wanna start a topic
but i guess time just faded everything
will tomorrow be the same too?
wats wrong? i dont know.
all i know is...i miss the time we shared.

i guess we just became deaf
i guess we just became blind
i guess we had just forgotten the times we used to share
its over... ...
though i never want it to happen...

i never meant to be weak
im strong enough to accept the truth and keep life going

royalreddishroxaneroxyrose

wow my upsie and downis.

so yesterday was just a long long day, i was just wondering am i having a "30 hours a day" experince or something?
so tat fucking things stinks! cant believe it man.!.
dont wanna talk about it... ...
******* ************ ********** ****** ***** ************** ******** ********
but after tat incident, i felt tat im just so so freaking lucky, i may not have the best friends in the world but i sure have the best seniors and society friends in my life!
thanks jia qian, nicole(thanks so much for the comfort, i'll stay strong), janice, salt child... ...
thanks everybody...i guess its all planned up by God, i guess God wants me to see tat life isnt always so smooth sailing.... .....
i luv ELS to bits....and its an always!!!.!!.!!!.
oh yea and to the ppl out there, who thinks tat my foriegn languagge stinks, i tell ya urs is more stinker!!!!!no offence... ... those stupid numbers cant judge me just like tat it tell ya!
***************************************************************************
oh yup a big big thank you to my online sister ANNA, thanks u so so much.....i luv the advice u gave me and i bet i'll sure do better next time on communicating and all those things..thnaks to bits.!.!.

royalreddishroxaneroxyrose

you said that u'll be there...but where are you?

u told me tat u'll be there for me.
but where were you?

u were no where to be seen.
u just left.
u just did it...like you always do.

maybe my fake smile have fooled you.
maybe my fake smile has showed you tat im okey.
but the fact is im not.

yes, im blaming you for leaving.
but im blaming myself more tat i believe tat you would stay.

i guess the word believe really lays a huge lie.

royal reddish roxy rose

untitled

and so it was a day again for me.
a day i never wanted.

i felt like crying.
how i wish my bangs are longer to cover the fact that im crying.
how i wish my tears are invisible so tat people cant see my tears.
i acted tat its ok for me to fall.
but its not the truth.
i do care.
i really do.

leave me alone.
i wanna scream.
it will be a long day again tomorrow.

but i'll stand strong like how i always acted.
i'll put a fake smile like everythings ok.
but i know im not ready to smile.
but i know im not happy.

but i'll do it for the people around me.
its ok.
im used to cry alone.
yes im used to.
im used to be the only one comforting my ownself.
yes im used to.

im used to mend a broken heart alone.
im used to.

u may think tat everythings ok for me.
but its not.
it really isnt.

putting a fake smile.
is wat i do.
acting like everythings okey.
is wat i do.

i know you hate me.
but its ok.
cos i'll still put a smile like everythings ok.

maybe to the dark, creepy night.
when the whole town is asleep.
i'll stay awake.
crying to the drak night.
hoping tat everything will be okey again.

royal reddish roxane roxy rose

it will be an arkward day... ...

9 will be a day i won't want to show up

coz i know how i will feel then

i know tat i will feel tat i dont belong

i will feel bad for myself

most important... ... i wont know how to react

i guess tat...i will just make everything a mystery

a huge mystery for myself

make it a surprise

an awesome surprise for myself

RoyalReddishRoxaneRoxyRose, what will you do?

and... ...i'm also brave enough to wait till the arrival of that day.!.

roxy rose

the candy collector next door

basket and a ball.

today was definetely not my day

when you thought tat its was yours

it isnt yours

i dont know man after today i felt tat i dont belong here anymore

i felt like leaving

everyone were so happy

only me left alone

this is not a good experience

not a good one

happy faces all around after tat match

only one sad face watching the horizon of the court

all alone

no one understands im being mean very mean today

im sorry to the ppl who i had offended though knowing ya'all wont see this post.

but im sorry... ....

not wanting any symphaty

just wanting a little of concern

im done

i dont belong anymore

"you're out!!" says the refree to Royal Reddish Roxane Roxy Rose

i think too highly of myself...

the atmosphere is silence

the cool wind blew my cheecks

and my gell pen was working just fine

my seatmate is being the quitest dude ever

everything was close to perfect

only

only

my mind was blank i cant think of wot to write

i didnt even went through tat shit

cos i thought tat i was brilliant enough

but i was wrong i was wrong

sometimes i think too highly of myself

sometimes i just criticize myself

tats me welcome to my inner self

i need to go back to the correct track again

i really need too

i have to treat everything im doing serious

i have too.

tomorrow will be a different day

i'll work hard

YES I WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!

work hard Royal Redish roxane roxy rose

in-likewithyou

i got the best opportunity today
but i didnt cherrish it

my brownish eyes hiding behind my think bangs
was just there
watching you walk away

looking through your eyes
i can see the reflection of my cheek brushing

your just one of those things i'll never say
your my secret

i wish i have the guts to request you as my friend
but i wouldn;t dare


coz im not really good with words
im afraid i'll break ur heart
just like how i did to him
i dont want you to get hurt

remember the lines you told me?
i know wot it means
i wos just acting cool
coz i thought being tat way would win your attention
but it didnt
it didnt
u might think tat im a cold blooded gurl

but the fact is
yea im cold blooded but everytime i see you
you melted my cold heart

***************************************

if we are walking in a railway
i wont mind walking behind your shadows

the random part...

time won't bring us back like we used to be

the things tat u do won't repeat everyday

the things tat u said won't repeat everyday

and tat is why I cherrish every moment spent with you

I never regret knowing you

I hope you felt the same way too

we are friends

but i'm still madly in-like with you... ...

please don't mind.

roxane roxy rose

things got better.., i learnt to see things differently.

thanks anna thanks for everything u may not see this post but its ok i hope u know im so thankful for you...
**********************************

this words is for untitled.

sometimes
being friends can be the most happiest thing in life too.
as long as u can still make me smile
as long as u still know tat i exist
as long as u still know how to touch
that will be enough
cos we are still tat special friends

u might not know tat ur that special some1
but i tell you
u have made me see farrer
made me see clearer

i still like you
but its in a friends way...
friends forever.


i'm still the random lollipop gurl.!.
peace up.
roxane roxy rose

somtimes..im just alone

speaking loud in public

making sickening moves or action

talking crap

is a part of me

its the things i do

most important

its my routine

i hate to say this but

sometimes

i need attentions

i want people to notice tat im here

all i want is just a little of concern

u might think tat im happy

but im the inside

im just surrounded my lonliness

we cant go back..

a mixture of cheerful, happy, sad, emptiness, lonliness, randomly u get me.

i guess anna's rite, sometimes we just need to let go, let go things tat doesnt belong to us...
but i dont regret knowing you, its a never.
the interflow today with art society was way awesome, when it comes to interflow its always great...
so erm..after tat interflow stuff waiting in the guardhouse i started emoing...
i remembered the time whem i was 7 waiting alone in the guardhouse alone....i was so alone i wanna scream....

sometimes u just dont get it
wats wrong with us is we need someone to step out the first step


this place is broken
just like a crystal
shiny outside
breaking inside
i'm sorry but this place just isnt the place i like anymore
i felt empty here too
i cant share my secrets to you too
cos i dont trust you
i dont know why i cant trust you
but i just dont...
sorry...

IF UR THE KING...lyrics by wrong idea.

one day i sat on my tiny green chair
wondering....
wot will happen if ur the king and im one of ur queen?
where will i stand?

have you ever noticed me?
im not the most important in your palace
im not the prettiest in your palace
im not the perfect one in your palace

im just...
im just...
the mormal one
the most normal one
the most random queen u had ever had

when i see u my dear king
i freak
i wanna scream
most important
i wish u would notice me

squizzing topics to talk to you my dear king
is not tat easy
but i wont give up
i'll continue searching for the best topic you like
the things you like...

and then i came back to realithy
wondering again...
am i your queen or am i ur slave?
the slaver who is always trying to please you?

roxane roxy rose

a pain in a broken heart...

i thought we are just friends

but i guess i was wrong

i have feelings for you... ...

everyday seems the same to me

but seeing you is always a gift for me

i like you, and i cant stop.

though knowing i cant have this sort of feelings on you.

and im always doing my best to cover the fact

the fact tat i like you... ...

for someone unknown

everytime i see your eyes i felt protected
everytime you smile my cold heart melted
everytime you touch i freaked
its all about you...

though knowing i'll never have you
but seeing you everyday is a reward for me
talking to you is a routine for me
hearing your compliments makes me feel happy

but when i see you doing it to her too
i was wondering what am I to you?
its like your doing the same to others too

I'M NOT IN LOVED WITH YOU

IM JUST MADLY IN-LIKE WITH YOU

I LIKE YOU, IS IT A CRIME?

then i wont mind always commiting this crime.

I LIKE YOU.

wat a nice day is today... ...
everything just turned out differently
mayb i dont even need your comment about life
cos i know i can deal it by myself

getting help from adults is like getting help from a wall
u get nothing
but getting help from some1 who had really been through ur situation
is just diiferent
thanks add jade
thanks nic
thanks little bro
most of all thanks yee

i guess in life we never get wat we want
and tat has made all the different.

welcome sweet sixteen.

this post is for u mom, happy birthday.

i hope you read this mom, its for you....

thank you for always being there for me,

although u dont know much about me

but its ok cos i know thres more things in life for you

i understand

its ok for u for not understanding me

cos im used to it.

i still luv you.

u dont have to mend my heart

cos it will never be mended

i still luv you

like before

not making a present for you

is becase im so slack these days

not feel like moving

maybe things just cant be how they used to be

but its ok

we all know there will still be a tomorrow

i know

u know

they know

u stay strong

so will i.....

i know time takes away everything

the daughter u used to know

has changed not knowing wheter its good or not

but its ok life go on

i love you mom

happy birthday

your daughter roxane roxy rose

am i acting? imconfused too.

everything was just fine

until u said those things to me

u said tat i was faking

but have u ever wondered

this is the real me

the girl you're actually seeing right now is the real me

i guess you dont even care who is the real me

because it wont mean a thing to you too

i get it

the moment those words came out from your mouth

u broke my heart to pieces

but i dont feel pain

because im paralized by pain

how should i really be?

when im faking u said tat im acting

when im trying to be me you said that im acting

what should i do?

i guess my time is almost coming

the time for a big change

but i dont want to regret

what should i do?

happy birthday mom

ur always great to me, maybe u broke my heart too just like everyone,

but its ok i still love you like i always do..

its ok to break my heart

because its already broken.....