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I was told that to reach that particular goal in life, we need to first conquer small goals. Choosing the right University is a small goal, compare to that big dream of mine. Little did you know, that small goal, represents a big step towards that Goal of mine.
To Inspire and To be Inspired.

You little Rascal

So this is what we get
Time flies and everything will just vanish

You were my best friend but not anymore
I guess that's it
I made you control me
My emotional
My decisions
I was wrong then
But I will not commit the same mistake
It's not right and it's not what I wanted

We will soon be going separate ways
A split end
A new beginning
Too bad after all that has been done
Nothing could be fixed
Nothing was perfect
Not even closed to it

Sometimes I wish we had never knew each other
that's it
all I have to pour out.

It's like, it has been ten years.

See how time flies and see how one can change that fast. Guess what? I see this in me.

It's crazy how fast I had move on from my comfort zone, how fast the memories from the past fades away and how I focus on the unknown future. It's like everything's a dream and I just woke up from it. It's like only this very moment is my life, it's where I belong.

Everything is insanely crazy but I love it.

My life will never be the same again. I know it and I can feel it. The world is waiting for me to shine and I will shine.

Working in this company is a start and a good one, I promise I will do good.

still Roxy

You will be alright.

"It seems like things are going in the wrong lane. I will be fine, I trust this faith of mine."
God has always entered me, enter my cold, lost place. He gave me hope to take the next step, the peace to move on in life.

I joined mass today. I always have this feeling, to unite the human race, we somehow need the same strong belief. It doesn't really has to be the same religious faith but just somehow the same belief.

"my 18 years has passed by" , "oh, how the years fly"etc, you see these things posting up one by one on different people's blog. Which is really true. But what will be "the part 2", should be the question.

Life is worth the live. I will have my story told.

You rule girl!

Oh please, some one explain this feeling! I don't get it, I still get Goosebumps when I think of it.
I mean I'm really over it, so is he, so how come I still felt like pushing him away every time we meet? Dang it man!

long time since I blog. The reason, no time is a bad excuse. The truth, really not in the mood to type stuffs on my blog. I prefer my diary though.

Great hangout with the babes--Pei and Bang. I love them a lot, really. =) I mean I could just be me when I'm with them. Just plain old me. I don't have to fake it or be who I thought is cool. I could just be me. I love it, a lot.

Prom, ( that's how I name that event ) it will be great, I tell myself. My black and vintage pattern dress, I mean that's really something different from my closet. As in I would really describe my closet as Roxanne Ryan's closet from New York Minute, so this dress will be really "the star" among those ragged tees, casual cute dress and ofcourse those dying band tees( like I have) ==

Great, is always the word. I love every single bit of life, You rock babe!

Weird, so why in the earth is everyone starting to use Blogger?

Temporary home

I felt insulted for what I thought that I was slightly better in. It hurts it really does.
Why do things have to change so fast? it's really tough.
Going through every moment, impatient to say goodbye to them as soon as possible.
Temporary, they are all just temporary. I tell myself.
Thank you Carrie for composing this song, it is really a good song. thumbs up on this one.
*sigh*
At least today I felt better with the guitar, the magic by the dudes and of course yesterday's education fair.

grateful

"Self discovery, Traceline you will be just fine." It is neither easy nor simple but I know I will be just fine.

Unititled.

and so the story goes... ...
I believe in miracles
but they never seem to happen
maybe the time wasn't right for it to appear yet
I guess I have to keep on rolling the dice

I took a deep breathe
I promise myself
I will be fine
I promise myself
my life will be a great one
I believe and I still believe

People told me to take things easy
For a change
yes I will
I will trust and persist in what I believe in
but in a rather simple way

Tracey's confess

i accidentally found this in my computer. It made me touched.

I had a brainstorm with my own self last night. A long talk I must say. Visions have been popping up one by one. I heard voices by anonymous telling me to stand strong. It's either God or saints. I know I will be fine, someone is watching over me, I believe it.

I woke up today and tell myself that I don't want to be this way anymore. Cheerful is still my" riot slogan" I won't give up. Who cares what you think about me? I know what I want then. I have a goal to achieve, I have my own perspective. I am different.

I know I am unbeatable!

A change of Luck

Haven't been blogging for a month. I sure miss blogging. How's my life? well I'm officially 18. Had my birthday celebrated Four times. C= the best part, was the one in school. My darlings made this oreo chessecake for me! and the members gathered in my class and sang Birthday songs, said sweet things and the birthday cards and gifts were the best! I love it, thank you all.
Another thing is, the dinner at the Jap. restaurant, was a beautiful memory. I went there before when I was 12. I love my parents and my siblings. I'm contented.

A change of luck. Am reading Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens. I personally think it's a great book. I mean it highlights the persists of human beings. The daring the speak up for justice and rights. Mr. Nicholas is an idol. I guess that's it.

" Life's getting better these days. There was time when I wanted to give up and run away. But I was glad I stood still and move on. I am glad for what I had achieve. "

a small story to share... ...
" Palms were sweating, my brains were craving for answers but nothing seems to pop up. I stared at the numbers, they seem so unfamiliar. The formulas were like slipping away for my memories. I glanced at the ticking clock, it's running fast! I swallowed hard and look down at the test papar. I felt like giving up. Yet there was this amusing voice that popped up suddenly and glad I was that it spoken. It said," I'm not here to give up! I'm here to face it!" The voice deep inside my heart somehow gave me the power. The mighty power to "wake up" the memories. With one step at a time, my hand was holding the pen and writing down the answers. It was that easy but it was the voice that pulled me back. I believe it's God. It's My Mighty God who wanted me to recognize the strength deep down in me. Thank you My Mighty God. "

Daddy, I really do hope that I am good enough, I really do.

What a hectic day it was. Woke up early for the drawing session with Pinky and of course Math's tuition. The night, was the real drama. Went to this exhibition of a top Uni. I don't feel I was being myself then. I was like trying so hard to fit in, to be the perfect candidate or something, I just wanted my Daddy to be proud of me, I wanted him to say in a proud way to his friend, " That's my girl!" too bad it didn't happen. I guess I have been living in a rather too high expectation family than a normal one. I'm not complaining here, just pouring my thoughts.

" you told me to be myself
and everything will work out
I did my best
I did what you ask for
but I'm sorry
I'm not perfect "

I told Daddy my thoughts in the car after everything. Stupid and naive I was. I knew Daddy must be so pissed of me. He had so many stuffs tangling on, yet he still had to drive me that far for that exhibition. For the shake of my so called FUTURE.

I didn't really want these things. It's way too much for me, way too much. It's freaking me out. I'm sorry. I don't feel comfortable. I don't think I'm ready for these exposed. It's way too determining my situation. Way too much. too classy for some one like me.

"I'm not too sure who I am as an individual
just a searcher
just a finder.
I know I will be fine
just needed more time
to fit in
to adapt to my new routine
face it!
I know I can!"

is that what I really wanted? No.

Daddy was there vibrating and narrating what it takes to be a good leader. Speaking of this, who doesn't want to be? but in my language, to be a good one, is to understand them, feel their feelings and be there for them. but in the adults philosophy, a good leader, is the one who expose their members, to organize many events or campaign to develop the students. Yes, by doing these it will definitely look good on ones resume, it will be a brilliant answer to a interview, but aren't these just fake? You forgot that the first thing to do, is to study well, get good grades. You need to know your limits, not taking up everything and messed up stuffs. Yes, it is important to expose, to develop your members, but it doesn't mean you should flunk your tests.
Maybe dad didn't really mean about the flunking part, but I know he wanted me to be the best. He wanted me to have a good or even better life, but he is stressing and pissing me off.

I pulled my guts together, tried not to cry. I was sitting there, telling him what I thing is really good for me, myself and it is to study well. Just for this year, I really want to do well. I really do, I think it's the key to the next level. I guess dad just forgot about it or he thought I was a super woman. Too bad I'm not. He said he could help, but trust me in the end, the shits are still yours to clean up. It isn't an easy one, why can't he get it?

What was his reaction when I express my thoughts after that? simple, he just walk away and give out a disappointing sigh.

I don't get it, why can't they just go with the flow? everything will be okay. They just narrate everything, not your dreams to be specific, but THEIR dreams, their so called PERFECT dream. Can't they just let me organize and do my stuffs? Don't ask me what can I do for the society, it's rather a stress out conversation. Trust me, when my parents ask me about what can I do about my society, I didn't feel I was talking with my parents, I felt I was talking with some kind of robots who think that their daughter are everything but imperfect. Could you believe it? I wanted to have a contented life, I know what I want, but when I tell my folks about it, they just think I was immature and naive.

They told me that I can do what I want. They lied. He knew I wanted so much to help in Africa, and he said, sure you can work as a social worker,then he added "......and when you get accidentally stung by some kind of insects and realize that you only have half a year or two months to live, what can I do? nothing, because it's your life" Can you believe it? maybe because he has loved me so much and didn't want me to be hurt physically or mentally, but it hurts even more when he criticize my thoughts and dreams. It hurts from the bottom of my heart. Daddy could have used a better way to express himself. I thought he is SO damn brilliant? at least brilliant enough to TRY to organize MY life and MY dreams.


pissed and disappointed you are to me,
and I'm sorry I'm no wonder woman.

To study in the top Unis are YOUR dreams not mine,
I'm sorry, I'm not perfect not even close to it.

Roxy.

Reflections after all these days ( Part one )

What a long time since my last blog... ...What have I been doing? A lot, at least enough to keep me hectic after long hours of being awake everyday.
Biggest Reflections in these days:

Went to Davao, The Philippines to attend Grandpa's funeral. Sad I was. Yet I know that we, the family needed to be strong and move on. It's the only way, and the way it should be. I will work hard in my life. Remembering that little white dove that came to visit us the other day. Ate told us it is Grandpa's spirit. He came to visit us. He was a successful and somehow I would describe as a complicated entrepreneur. He had did so much in his life, he lived it to it's fullest and help those in needs, A role model I will say. He love his children and bring happiness to his grandchildren. A jolly grandpa and I love him so much. After his death, I know I must take good care and love grandma even more. I know how it felts to be lonely. I know how it felts. As a grand daughter, I will definitely want to take good care of her. I didn't took it as a responsibility, it was a piece of love that made me wanted to do it. Our guardian angel, Teacher Chong. Reading through her opinions that she had write for me, I cried. I missed her, I really do. She made me believe in myself and understand myself even more. She told me that I must study in Universities, as the things that I am interested in, will be skillful in Universities. Everyday in my life, the words that she said, her smiles will somehow just randomly pop up. And made me wanted to go further and work harder in life. It's like " memories of motivation " This two incident made me see more in life. The strong heroes that I had known, will also shed tears, just like any of us. and I, had witness it.

" When we were little kids,
fairy tales tell us that people do die,
but only the bad and naughty character.

When we get older,
we understand that people do die,
but it's heroes this time.

When we get mature,
we understand that people do die,
even the ones beside us.

Time and maturity made us even stronger,
made us understand and cherish not only our own lives,
but also others,
the people who we love always. "

Specially dedicated to everyone, " Live life! " no guarantee that we live twice. __________________________________________ Specially shout outs : " Stop comparing lives! its stupid and boring! You have 24 hours so do they, what is it to complain? How did you live it? that is more important than who gets the best dress and the best day out! " Traceline With love, Roxy.

Perfection and Beautiful.

The month of February has land its footsteps in our lives. How did the month January been? You might be asking yourself this question. Did you embrace that month and live to the fullest? or did you just let it flow with the current, and said Goodbye to it?

As for me, January had been a ride. Success and Failure, truth and lies, a new life and lives ending. Good or bad, I couldn't answer nor predict. All I can say is, it made me think deep, deeper than ever, harder than ever.


Life comes in many faces. I don't give complaints when it turns clumsy, crappy or ridiculously.
' I won't break down nor back off 'and that is a promise from myself to me, myself.

I never believe that things stay unchanged forever,
or even naively believe that people always stay,
I understand that changes are necessity.

" Perfection is not an aim,
Beautiful is a goal. " there is a fair line, if you ask me about Perfection and Beautiful. One makes you focus to make everything perfect and the other, makes you see the beauty in the things that you have.

I believe in God. I know he is always there, when I'm happy or feeling desperate. Thank you my mighty God for letting me see my life all over again. =)

peace and love,
Traceline.

Guardian Angel =)

The moment I close my eyes
I could see your smile
hear your voice
see the way you move
and feel your love for us

You are beautiful and warm
gave us secure
believe in us
reminding us to laugh and be happy always

When I open my eyes
I know I won't see you again

you have departed to another place
some people say that it's far away from us
some people say it's in our heart
I say you're always with us
when we feel left out and helpless
you will appear just like the angel you have always been

Don't know that goodbyes could be this hard
Tears rolling down
Squeezing that smile
because we know it's what you wanted to see

It's not easy
but we will be okay

Wipe out the tears in our eyes
We look at you once again
You smile at us
We say goodbye
but we know that we shall meet again someday

I smile
I know tomorrow will be a beautiful day
I know our futures are bright as light
we will work hard always
we will be strong always
we will think about you always
we know you are looking after us always

Rest in Peace, to our beloved Mrs. Chong, our guardian angel

I laugh out loud.

Stopping procrastination is a challenge
I felt that everything was so scattered
was everything but organized
my fault for not leading my life well

Telling ourselves to ignore comments
but how many can truly do it?
no one is perfect or even close to it
but how many can truly understand and always remember it?

I live my life the way I want it to be
I don't know am I doing the right thing here
all I know is life is strange and fickle
Laugh out loud is all that can be done

A great day!

School has started for a couple of weeks already. I have to say my time is fully booked! with hangouts, schooling and of course tons of home works. I felt my life is complete, when I appreciate things in life, =) I love Life!
It's been a great ride in the past, and its a long journey to be here today. Yes, I'm officially having my last year in FY High. What some great schooling years I had.
ELS, is moving on the right track now. I don't know whether they will ever read this but,
" Everyone from ELS, its been some time since I figured out who I am, and who I wanted to be. I will be a good President and lead you all to be pro-active members! Cheers to a great beginning. "
A big shoutout, to the bunch of besties out there, Love You All to bits. and can't wait for her 21 Birthday celebration on Sunday!


Peace and Love,
Roxy.

2010, the perfect 10. =)

A new year it is
a year full of surprise
a year full of unknown

was naive at the past
this year will be different
I know what I want

it will be a great year
this is a promise from myself
I will make it a good one

I wasn't mend to be perfect
but I am mend to be a beautiful individual
I am happy the way my life has become

"We gave up our time
figuring out the pieces
in the end neither did we solve the problem
nor gained a sense of wisdom
nothing was worth it"
this is how I felt how foolish I was back then

I have to move on
I tell myself
2010, here I come!
no longer random
just being who I really am.

Peace and love,
Roxy.