My o9 C.N.Y. =}

y'day was preety fun, went for a party, hmm....the food was okey, the fun was 80 percent awesome.

besides the part when someone, dont wanna mention who, not even intend to anyway, the part when she sorta tried to say tat im a prep.

Fuck, tat will be the last word i wanna hear, PREP! oh gosh!

just becoz we live in a hilltop? like asshole, yea i know the house is kinda big, but so?! like hello, its meant for 17 ppl to live in.
i mean please, i fake a smile pretend like its nothin, but i say "DONT EVA EVA SAY IT AGAIN! i hated it when ppl say tat we r rich, Fuck! If we really are tat rich, y am i still here? shouldnt we b in another so called richer country? AND Y am i always struggling to buy just a blouse in a retail shop? n those so called"not so rich"ppl gets away easily with clothes in branded shops? " im not complaining, im just voicing my own opinion.

and please, there is much more richer and preper ppl out there waiting for you little creatures to talk about, so just drop the topic about us, CARE YOUR OWN BUTT!

geee.....i do feel better, about tat little lady who likes to say crap, i say i 4give u becoz....im..nice? lmao. ( kiddin )=] i wont point out ur wrong, i wont tell u i dont like it when u said those shitties about us, but i say i 4give u is becoz i know ppl arent perfect, we dont tend to be, besides ur not me afterall, u wont know how it feels when ppl said stuffs like tat about u. ;/
n to think i kinda like you as a sista. '/


.Roxy Rose.

UNBEATABLE ME!

i felt so bad, the phone was beside me, but dont know who to ring.
and... ....
i found my best friends God and my music.
thank you. <3333333

im still strong, yea i am! its okey. it will be okey again. i know it will.

u shouldnt have told me. ;/

She waited the whole day, just to give him a call. he picked up the phone, his voice made up her dull day. shes in her best moment when he talks, when he speaks to her.
Yet
it hurts when the whole conversation is filled with emptiness. he told her about this girl, who invited him for a rock n roll concert. she shouldn't feel tat bad, but i say, her heart aches so badly, it really does. y her? y tell her? it hurts it really does. coz shes afraid she will be beated by that girl, the girl who invited you for a rock n roll concert. "she ask you to go, u agreed, 1oo plus bucks, you're willing to go for it. if i ask you to go for Simple Plan's concert how will you reject me?" it hurts form the bottom of her heart, it really does.

*****************************************************************************************************************

i feel so bad, i really do. i need my bed, n just let my tears roll down the way they want to. just trying so hard to cover the fact tat im hurting, coz i want u in the other edge of the phone to know tat im strong, im unbeatable.

********************************************************************************

She hated it, when he wanted her to hang down the phone, i guess he got over her already. tell me how should she react again?


i guess i just said something wrong.
i guess i just did.
im sorry, for no reason.

no wait,

the reason is,
i dont want to lose you, i wont want it to happen.
n i do all my best to mend every broken pieces
i just needed to know how long i can hang in there for him

how did i manged to be tat strong?
how did i wear my mask so perfectly
how did i made my tears freeze in front of everyone?
how did i covered my pain so perfectly?

i never wanted to cry
i never wanted to
but the tears just seemed to drop
they drop randomly... ...

<3 United <3

today is a Tuesday, Com. class was a waste of time for me, well cos i dont really know or lets say i dont know wats Access? well, PE was crap. 12 minutes run, is always a fear, but i think i kinda over come in easily... ...


thought the girl was bored over everything
couldnt believe boredness gets equal
the phone rang just knew it was him
picked up the phone the voice made up her day
like again
wheres the boredness again?

n then he just needed her help tats all
she thought she could chaged him
she was wrong like all the time
there he goes asking for help
its hard or lets say impossible to say no to him

she helped called back
the Hello was cold as winter nite
the whole conversation was her trying to be hyper to get him back
the TV show seems more interesting than her
he tried to hang down the phone
she could feel it
but just wanted to force herself to believe this time is different

and there he goes letting her down again

I DONT WANNA BE ADDICTED!!!!!!

all wat made me sit here
is the belief tat i will hear ur voice
tell me wat made you my lullaby?
tell me wat made me needed you so much?

when the night gets darker
my thoughts for you get deepened
tell me why am i addicted to you?
tell me why do i needed you so desperately?

i say i need to back off
i dont want to live in this situtaion
no no NO
i want my life back

i dont know who you really are
i dont know are you trully worth it
all i know is im tired
i really am.

maybe you dont need me afterall
im just her replacement
now youre done
everything is said
im beated

im sorry for wasting your cash
im sorry for wasting your time
im sorry for letting chances fade
most important im sorry for letting you down

the good thing is
you had grown
u dont need me anymore
u dont need me by your side

maybe you had found another replacement
sorry...just thought you were the one

just no phone call, and you beat me.

its not like i need a voice b4 bedtime
its not like i cant survive coz im still alive
its just i dont feel like sleeping without a goodnight
its just i dont want things to be part of the past

flipping over the phone a million times
those calls aint the ones tat will make up my day



when the nite gets cold
i just need a blanket
when the nite gets dark
i just need a candle
when i miss you
i just wish i could see you smile


midnight the clock strucks twelve
i told myself i need to wake up
its a new day
a new day to be a better me


promise me the future is still ours
promise me you will be there on your knees
promise me you will give us both a chance
promise me you still like me

RoxY.

skool had just started. my holiday.....equals gone.
this years teacher, r...errrr..okey, but seriously i still prefer some 08 teacher.
not asking for much, just saying.

****************************************

i saw them together
i admit
i dont feel good

i know no one belongs to anyone
but tell me why do i believe tat things will work out?
tell me why do i feel deep when i see u both?
you told me its over
how much can i trust you?

shes weird
how could she still react like nothing happened?
i guess this is mature
mature enough to believe tat things come n go

i got over it
everything is flowing in the correct track
tell me why do i still need your attention
why do i still need a voice to end my day?

i had grown but not yet mature
almost 17.

.Jan 09.

had a so called "brain storming" with the parents LAST NITE, which made me cried and lasted for one hour more. they want me to tell them everything i wanna say to them, my feelings, my thoughts, and so on. i have to say, im not ready yet, im really not. im sorry, i dont know about the future but rite now, i dont feel like saying wat i need to say to you both, well not totally NOT, we'll see. the fact is, im not use to say my inner feelings to you both, i know you guys are doing ur best to make up an AWESOME family tie thing, im still not in to it, im not used to, u know? sorry...;/ everytime things are just so wron timing, when ever i feel like saying my inner feelings, u guys will be busy and so on. and when u guys are feeling to be a great parents, im just NOT usually in to it, im sorry. im random.

give me some time, to cope over the changes... ...and mom mentioned about the "four words" stuffs, u know the fuck, the damn, the hell, even crap or lame maybe... ...she wanted me to change, this i say, this i say, i really really need time.
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its a brand new year!!!and im feeling on my top.'>&<

i know my goals already, and im ready for a REVOLUTION. a ROXY ROSE REVOLUTION.

1. i wanna do well in my academics, this is my responsiblity. i know i cant beat them, this i have sth to say, i cant beat the so called"tops" its not because im not better than them, its because i know where i stand i know my standard. i will be the best tat i can become, i will be unbeatable. i dont like to flip over my books and look through the dic. but i know academic is important, and i know tat IT FEELS GREAT WHEN YOU WORK HARD ON SOMETHING.

2. ELS, I'll MAKE IT A PLACE WHERE EVERYONE WANTS TO BE IN. its not easy, next year will be even more tough. but i will accept it, its ELS's revolution afterall.

3.A DAUGHTER. for these few years, i havent been a daughter. well i WAS a plastic, like a plastic daughter, there for dads parties, n say "hey, im MR. Benson Choo's daughter. nice to meet you" and say goodnite to mom n dad. the surface things, i think i did it well. but to me, a daughter isnt just like tat. it has to be more.

4.Relatives. im not good at saying grossing stuffs to them. even if they are my siblings, relatives. but its so easy to say I HEART YOU to my gangs.

the 3 and 4 Revolution. its not easy for me. coz i need to totally change, maybe i might even change my mind, i dont know. its not easy for me.

5.BE ROXY ROSE. i wanna be myself, even more. i have so many surfaces, and i want eveyone who cares to see all my sides. maybe not all but 88% will be great.

6.ONE MORE THING, IM NOT DUMB. just too brilliant to hide myself. >&<

7.A GREAT FRIEND. i wanna be a friend tat all my friends had ever ever had. i wanna be a friend tat i wish to have.

8.PROTECT OR LETS SAY GUARD MY GADGETS. first my cell, this cell means so much to me,it really does. i had already ruined the I-pod ( which i think its not my fault, its just time for it to be reparred )';/==. the family computer, which i say WE all need to protect it, stop installing craps. =0

9.NOT TO BE ADDICTED TO ANYONE. which is tough. so used to have someone running through my veins.

10.SAVE BUCKS. this year bucks are said not to be flowing well. i need to save for the family, even if its just one sms. yea, one.

11.MAKE TIME FOR GOD. i always ask God to make my wish come true. but how much do i understand God?

12.SLEEP EARLY? yea.

13.DO SOME OUTINGS. NOT THE SHOPPING ONE, THE EXERCISE ONE.

14.HAVE FUN!'>*<

.roxyrose.